Sunday, August 14, 2011

Feeling Better, But Still A Bit Rambly

Well after the news I received on Friday, my boyfriend and some of his friends took me out to cheer me up. Four guys' idea of softening the blow of losing my job came out as golf, beer, and a combination of chicken wings and jalapeno poppers. I'd say it worked. Tomorrow is Monday, and there's no feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach. I'm already excited to sleep in, go to the gym and get some errands done. My motivation for the week has been refilled. Funny, my training in mental health has equipped me with the ability to recognize the symptoms of depression and anxiety, yet when I was clearly displaying them myself (loss of sleep, loss of interest in daily hobbies/activities, change in appetite, feelings of sadness/guilt) I didn't recognize them. Glad I'm out of that mess.

Having said that, I feel like I'm in a strange situation. I'll give you the rundown, but mostly for my own purposes of trying to keep everything straight in my head rather than explain it to the world. So feel free to skip this next paragraph if you're really only in this to leave a quick copy and paste comment at the bottom. It's okay, I won't judge you. I've done it before too.

In short, I have 23 credits left to be able to finish both my Master's degree and the requirements that qualify me to obtain my LAC. Of those credits, 12 of them are internship. I am still registered to complete an internship at the same place I was just hired at, but was told they typically give intern positions to people they want to hire in the future so...well I think I know how that's going to turn out. Meaning I have nowhere set up for an internship. In order to finish my Master's I only have 6 more credits...but that's still a couple thousand dollars.

I also still have my old job pulling night shifts at the psych hospital (I never officially quit when I got hired), but it's per diem. They haven't needed me in the last 2 months, but since I had the ice cream truck I wasn't complaining. Now that school's about to start in 2 weeks, I'm getting nervous. If they don't need me to work, I don't work. No hours mean no money, and no money means no school. I'm done with student loans, remember?

So it's crossed my mind to take a semester off. I know what you're thinking. No - wait - hang on - just - let me finish. I know what happens to people who take semesters off. They never finish. They move...or join the military...or get pregnant. You never hear from them again. Well don't worry, I'm not going to be one of them (famous last words, right?). But the thought of possibly working 8 hours every two weeks combined with the fact that our roommate moved out last month has made me rethink how I should spend what little money I do have saved.

With one exception.

See during the three weeks I had a job, one of the (awesome) counselors I met gave me a little bit of advice. He said, "In this business, you have to find something on the side to throw yourself into. Otherwise, you spend every day working with mentally ill drug addicts, and you begin to think everyone in this town is either crazy or on something." Well said. Plus it made me realize this: I have nothing that I throw myself into anymore. It's school and work. That's it.

So I took his advice to heart. I thought about everything that I used to enjoy doing. I came up with a million different things; writing, taking pictures, cooking, playing sports, writing music, painting, singing, dancing - and the list goes on. So many things, and I do none of them (save writing, I guess blogging falls into that category). But I decided to narrow it down a little by asking what all these things have in common, and I think it's this: they all involve doing something creative and new, and something that typically scares me.

Writing music, painting, dancing; these are all forms of self expression put into the world for others to collect as their own, and then turn and twist to fit their own purpose. People aren't judging the song I just played for them, they're judging a piece of my soul I've made vulnerable through the music they've just heard. Sometimes they don't connect with it, and that can hurt a little, but sometimes they do, and that moment can never be duplicated. Maybe that's why I originally went into connect with people.

So it's all pretty up in the air right now. Basically I just want to find a small time job that has absolutely nothing to do with counseling. Something simple that can pay some bills and get my mind off things. I'll see what I end up doing this fall. And besides that, I want to try something new. Something creative that scares me. Any suggestions?

The Not-So-Secret Confessions of a First Time Mom


  1. You're having a seriously stressful month! I'd be drinking heavily by now, so I think you're handling it pretty well.

    Good luck:)

    The Tuckerbag

  2. Thanks for stopping by today! Also following back~ Yes! Yolanda

  3. Following back! I'm sorry you're going through this.. I've had some pretty awful things happen in the last ten years but if you keep the perspective that it is for your good and what can I learn from this you'll be just fine. good luck with everything!

  4. Thanks so much for pouring it all out here for me to read. That awful feeling in the pit of your stomach is all to familiar I'm afraid. But, believe it or not you'll learn from this and it'll be better next time. You should be so proud of yourself for having the guts to stand up. Don't be afraid to take a year off. You can handle it.

  5. So much to think about! I hear you on the counseling part. Sometimes I just wish I could have some mindless job, where I didn't have to think too much! Good luck. You will figure it all out in due time! :)

  6. Hello! You became a follower of my blog, The Domestiated Diva, and I am here to return the visit!
    We are very similar! I graduated with my Masters in Counseling Psychology in December of 2009. I work as a therapist with homeless adults with severe mental illness.
    I have a couple thoughts. I considered taking a semester off but instead went all the way through. The semester off would have been glorious, but it's more glorious to be DONE. So take this into consideration: When your original graduation date comes up, will you be okay with the fact that you took the time off then? If the answer is yes, then maybe a break would be good. Grad school is SOOO stressful.
    Second thing, I agree with the advice you were given about finding a hobby or something other than work or school. Self-care is SO incredbily important in this field!
    Nice to meet you, I am a new follower! :)

  7. A creative job? That pays? Hmm, that's going to be tough. If you want a side job that is more of a desk job, but it pays money, you'll find something stable. But the creative jobs - those things that make your muse happy - photography, music, etc. are not typically stable money situations. Me? I'd suggest - get a non-stress job to pay the bills, get back into the hobbies that you enjoy (or work for a craft store? music store?) and go to school part time until you can go back full time and do the internship. Sending positive thoughts your way!

  8. Why the issue with taking off a semester? Another 'should'? Sounds like you're due for some down time. You will figure it out once you are more relaxed. A stressed brain does not make good decisions.

  9. this was a great first post to read as a new reader. I remember not recognizing the symptoms myself even though a majority of my degree is in psychology. I couldn't believe that it took me almost 8 months of post-partum before I finally said to my husband, I think I need help. and I'm sure you can guess my first reaction is "NOOOOO, don't quit!" LOL! But you know what else....I get what you're saying. Its like when you've been in school and you've been reading such serious junk, without any time for you, all you wanna do is simply read a book for fun....something simple or a no-brianer that fun and doesn't require any thought. Take a minute to breathe and process all the craziness (I know easier said then done) and then make decisions. Its food for thought for myself and for basically all women, LOL...because we tend to be the stresses out and worriers of the group. We can never seem to think of these things in the throws of things, but that's why we need to surround ourselves with amazing people who can remind of that. The important thing though is it sounds like you have a wonderful boyfriend and great friends to be a support system for you. I'm so glad to be a new follower

  10. Good Luck with everything. I have a feeling everything is gonna work out just fine for you. I'll be praying, just in case! Something creative and scary. . . LOL. The only things I just though of were dancing on a bar or having kids. It's too late in the evening for me.

  11. I'd say, don't take a semester off. The BF did that. Like, eight years ago. He spent thousands of bucks on a degree he won't get, because he got sucked into the world of "Oh, I can work full-time this semester and then get back to university... oh, or I could take my hard-earned money and buy [shiny thing] and work another semester... and oh, now the boss really needs me, but waiting a third semester ain't that bad... and oh...!" I mean, if you're out of money, taking a semester off may be the only choice, but try to avoid it at any cost. (Good luck with finding a job and stuff!)


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