Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Lesson 3: Spend It On A Memory
I awoke with a phone call.
"So I'll be over around noon, is that okay?"
"Red house on Howard, right?"
"Great, see you then!"
Boyfriend: "Who was that?"
Me: "No idea."
I went back to sleep.
I woke up around 11:30. Guess I'll find out whoever's coming over in about half an hour. I got up and tried to navigate my way to the kitchen for a glass of water. I had a pounding headache and was unbelievably thirsty-where the hell was the damn kitchen?
I wasn't in my house. I was in my boyfriend's house. And I was hungover. Ahhh crud.
I remember. The guy coming over was going to look at my furniture. I was moving and wouldn't need most of it, so I was looking to sell what I could. His name was Miles, and he was a friend of my mom's. I remember her telling me he was very shy and quiet, so I needed to keep my sense of humor in check. Mmm hmm....
I found my shoes at the door. Heels. No good. I slipped on a pair of my boyfriend's tennies. These'll have to do.
"I have to run home real quick I'm stealing your car! I'll call you!"
I sped home and as I pulled up I saw two gentlemen standing at my door. I got closer and the younger one extended his hand. "Hi, I'm Miles, this is my grandpa. Um...hi."
I don't blame him for being taken aback. My smeared makeup and ratty hair probably made it look like I had spent the night in a gutter. I had the words "Lake Erie" scrawled on my left arm in green permanent marker along with an artist's poor rendition of a giraffe wearing a helmet. I was wearing an oversized Led Zeppelin T-shirt, a pair of baseball shorts, and because of the size difference, what appeared to be clown shoes. I shook his hand and tried to unlock the door - with the wrong set of keys - no luck. I was locked out.
It all came back to me. We'd had a bachelorette party for the ages last night. I can't imagine what was waiting for us behind that door. Oh well, no holding back now.
I pointed to the cake on the ground.
"You want some cock cake?"
They stared at me.
"It's funfetti. It's delicious."
Nothing. Tough crowd.