Saturday, June 25, 2011

Couples Who Fight In Public


To the couples of the world out there who insist on fighting with each other around everyone else because they think it proves they are more comfortable and more "in love" than the rest of us who are acting civil: knock it off. It doesn't work that way. It's awkward and annoying and you're making asses of yourselves.

I'll give you an example.

A few nights ago, my boyfriend and I went to dinner with one of his friends and his friend's new girlfriend. I'm not a huge fan of double dates when at least one person is an unknown, but his friend (which for the sake of this post we'll call "Frank") was eager for us to meet his new lady (who we'll call....hmm..."Beyonce"). Plus the restaurant we were meeting in is fantastic so...how bad could it be?

It started out pleasant enough, "What do you do", "Where are you from", "I love your hair/top/shoes", but then it took a turn for familiar territory, and not the "good" kind either.

"Stop eating the garlic bread," Beyonce whispered to Frank with a nudge. "It makes your breath all garlicky." "We're at an Italian restaurant," he retorted, "Garlic is the reason people come to Italian restaurants."

She looked at me with an annoyed look on her face and rolled her eyes. Great, I thought. This is going to be a long night.

The waiter came by to take our order. "Can I get you anything to drink?" "I'll have a glass of wine," she said, and he turned to look at me.

"Best to just get me a bottle," I sighed. "I'm sure I'll be having more than one."

At this point I feel I need to make something clear: I rarely drink. Not that I don't enjoy it, I just don't have the time. If I'm going to drink, then damnit I'm going to drink, which usually means the entire next day and maybe even the one after that are rendered completely useless. I have to really weigh whether or not the next two days are going to be worth trading for one night of craziness.

And tonight?

Dinner went on. The comments came and went. Problem was I was assumed to be instantly on her side, and my boyfriend was automatically assumed to be the enemy. "Oh my god, how can you be so dense?!" she would exclaim at Frank, and then look in my direction with a, "Marlee understands, right? Guys can be so dense sometimes!" She would then shoot a disapproving look at my boyfriend, the horribly dense man sitting beside me.

I was right to get the wine.

Beyonce: "I told you not to wear that shirt. Why did you wear it?"
Frank: "I like this shirt."
Her: "It's too stripey."
Frank: "Too stripey?"
Me: "You see the thing about garlic is..."
Beyonce: "It has too many stripes. It's too bright."
Frank: "I like the stripes though."
Me: "It rhymes with 'schmarlic'."
Beyonce: "You never care what I think."
Frank: "Of course I do, I just like this shirt."
Me: "They should serve tacos here."
Beyonce: "You are so difficult."
Me: "Or burritos..."
My boyfriend: "Anything with beans really."
Frank: "I'm being difficult? Because I wore a shirt?"
Me: "Pinto beans."
My boyfriend: "I'm more of a black bean guy, myself."
Beyonce: "I can't believe you're acting like this."
Me: "I wonder if they have crayons here."
Frank: "Acting like what, a person who gets dressed?"
Me: "Blue ones. Pink, red, yellow, purple...people eater...bop bop bop..."
Beyonce: "Why do you want to fight so bad?"
Frank: "Why do you hate my shirt so much?"
My boyfriend: "Marlee put that down, it's not a toy."
Beyonce: "The only one who gets me here is Marlee."
Everyone at the table: "............"
Me: "More wine, please?"

I'd also like to make it clear that I'm not completely blaming the women here, because I know many, many a man who do the same thing. That is, complaining and embellishing their wives' and girlfriends' bad habits as a way of fitting in with the guys. I've even asked my boyfriend what he says about me to fit in.

"I say you have a third nipple," he replies, "And that it lactates when you get angry." I laugh. We go to bed. End of story.

Now I'm not saying he's perfect. So maybe he does watch multiple baseball games at once on split screen television while watching two more on "gamecast" on his laptop, while also managing his fantasy team and checking college baseball scores, but I kinda think it's slightly impressive. And maybe he likes to tape down the handle on the sink sprayer a little too often so when I go to get a glass of water in the middle of the night I end up startled and soaking wet. But come on, it is a little funny, isn't it?

My point is this; maybe if we all stopped bitching about our other halves so much we might come to see their "faults" as kind of endearing...I mean it's worth a shot, right?

And if not...well just make sure there's plenty of wine.


So Followed Saturday Sunday Blog Hop Shibley Smiles   

23 comments:

  1. Wow. That sounds like so many different shades of unpleasantness. I found it amusing that Beyonce felt she found empathy in you. You're so right: we should focus on our other half's good traits, at least (especially?) when we're in public. Glad you had plenty of wine handy to get you through that night!

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  2. LOL...You are funny...and handled the situation quite well...This whole post made my morning. I agree with everything you stated. i cannot STAND the people who fight in public let alone drag other people into the argument. For example i have a neighbor who insists on taking every argument into the front yard and yelling at each other at the top of their lungs, and heaven forbid I am outside doing something because she will immediately look over at me and say something like " can you believe this guy???" or " I bet Kristin would back me up!" and I run like heck to my door! Ha..some people...

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  3. That was funny, probably very uncomfortable, but funny. To be a fly on the wall. Yes, more wine please. Newest follower from blog hop. Hope you can stop by my blog and follow back. www.imnotsuperwoman.com

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  4. I always enjoy your posts, but this one rung so true to past experiences. Why women (and men too) feel the need to draw attention and try to make themselves look like they've bypassed the "i actually enjoy your company" stage to make themselves look more comfortable with each other will never make sense to me.

    You came through that awkward situation very well. :)

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  5. I know you were very uncomfortable being in that situation, but you will look back on it and laugh one day. You handled it a lot better then I would have. lol

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  6. You're right it is awkward and annoying especially when you don't even know one of them. It also shows a lack of maturity.

    ~ Mona : )
    More Milestones

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  7. LOL AWKWAAAARD! But written beautifully :) I totally agree, tacos should definitely be served at Italian joints and good thing you had the wine, sounds like you needed it!

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  8. Ah this is a great post! That scenario is all too familiar... I hate going on double dates. AND automatically assumed to be on the girl's side of the 'argument' because I have a vagina. Not cool.

    Anyway, I'm glad you had the wine! And I agree --we should embrace our partner's faults :)

    Swan

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  9. I'd have been tempted to say: 'so Beyonce, tell me, what WAS it that first attracted you to this garlic breathed fashion disaster?'

    TEMPTED ..... yes, had the nerve to actually say it ..... hmmm, probably not.

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  10. Love the post!

    I'm a follower from last week's blog hop! I would love for you to return the follow :)

    Cristi
    http://thekingscourt4.blogspot.com/

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  11. Lol. Great and amusing post. Sometimes ya wonder...

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  12. New follower from the hop! Hope you will hop by Girl Tech Divas and follow back.

    www.girltechdivas.com

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  13. I am Jeryl from Says Me Says Mom and I am returning the following. My daughter is going to camp for 3 weeks so we wrote some blog posts in advance for when she is going to be away. One of them was about pet peeves where we wrote about things that annoy us. Couples that argue in public is a good one that I never thought of when we were writing our blog post.

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  14. Geez, I feel like I need to go pour a wine after that one! Funny. But you want to know what is funnier? When they get married and carry on like that at the bridal table and make speeches about each other's bad habits. Make sure you are out of the country or in hospital should that invitation arrive!

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  15. Thanks so much for stopping by my little corner of blogland .... Loved your post ... and so agree with you about people putting on a "show" as I refer to it in public ... I hope your head isn't hurting too much the day after ... xo HHL

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  16. Love this post lol! Thanks for stopping by from the blog hop! Following you now! :) -Sarah http://whereeverafter.blogspot.com

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  17. Hi! Hopped here! Please follow me back at www.fourlittlemonsters.com

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  18. Hi Marlee!

    Grateful for sparing a moment to comment on my post. You know what, I was supposed to be the first one to comment on your every post but everytime I composed the best of my comments, there already were other followers of you who did. So i kept it to myself instead.lols

    nevertheless, i am still your most loyal reader ever.

    Smiles from,

    Andy at wordsandpen.com

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  19. Following you from Super Stalker Sunday Blog Hop

    Please follow me back if you get the chance Taz's Journey

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  20. Lovely post! Thanks so much for stopping by and joining in my blog, I'll be back...

    http://treatntrick.blogspot.com

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  21. Horror date!!!

    I hate couples who fight in public. My colleague does that sometimes - she and her guy will call each other during office hours to fight on the phone, and it's a) completely useless (never fight if you cannot see the other person's face) b) a waste of time (which might be wasted much better playing Pacman, if you cannot be bothered to work) and c) annoying for the rest of the world (in this case: Me).

    I know people who "fight" as fun sports activity, but I don't like that, either. Arguments are okay and sometimes even necessary, but they should be held in private, if possible, and while both are in the same room (no need for shouting). And it sure as hell doesn't leave a good first impression!

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  22. BIG smile :)
    I can very much relate to this post...
    Thanks for sharing with us...
    ~Kara @ The Chuppies/NOBH

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  23. Found you from No Ordinary Bloghop :) Some people like to bicker then they're all lovey dovey in private. Just hard for those witnessing it, I don't know how you got through the night.

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