Saturday, May 28, 2011

Lesson 5: Have A Backup Plan

Reality TV girl #1: "It just, I have to tell you guys, you, like, you just, OMG you are going, you are just going to die. It was like World War 9."
Reality TV girl #2: "Ya all of us cried."
Girl #1: "I cried. It was insane."
Girl #2: "Who's your best friend in that? Tish?"
Girl #1: "Alexis. Alexis definitely."

This is an actual quote from reality television "characters" promoting their next episode. The awesomely fantastic part of it though was that I told my boyfriend to flip to a reality television show so I could get a stupid quote for the start of my next blog post, and he found The Real Housewives of New Jersey on the menu. It wasn't on yet though, so we settled for the last 30 seconds of the show right before it that consisted of someone interviewing two reality "stars". This quote here? Literally the first thing we heard.

Now I'm not condemning those who watch these shows consistently, I mean we all have our guilty pleasures. I'm a particular fan of "The Next Food Network Star" even though I openly admit I'll probably never actually watch the show the winner eventually ends up hosting. I'm also addicted to anything even remotely suggesting a conspiracy theory of some kind, so I'm not saying I'm in the clear here either.

But come on! Is that quote really indicative of what makes good television? Is that all it takes to make thousands and thousands of dollars? Because if it is, then what the hell am I doing in college? Why haven't I just brushed up on my jersey shore fist pump and valley girl slang, hiked up my skirt, and scheduled an appointment for some sort of plastic surgery? What the hell am I waiting for?

Well I'm not sure, really, so I made a list of possible premises for a reality television show I could possibly star on. So here it is:

Top 5 Reality Show Ideas:

5.) Yoga Cats

In this show, I would chronicle my cat's struggles of perfecting "Tree Pose".  I might even suggest she warm up with "Downward Dog". Cue dramatic stare-down.

(Commercial Break)

Welcome back. Stare-down continues. Now my cat is hungry. Oh this crazy life of mine! Next week I go to sleep and awaken to find her lying next to me. Will I survive? Tune in to find out.  

4.) Car Treasure Hunt:

The premise here would be what people find when they clean out their cars. Yeah that's pretty much it.

3.) Oil Rig Women of Rock Springs, Wyoming:

Because, well, why not? Reality television seems to be on a feminist streak right now, so I think it would be smart to cash in on it.

2.) Date Night Countdown:

In this show, men win a prize if they accurately guess the amount of time it takes their date to get ready. If they guess correctly, down to the exact second, they win a trip to vegas with the guys. Not even close? Two months marriage counseling.

1.) Ice Cream Wars:

As I mentioned in this post, I own my own ice cream truck, and believe it or not, things can get pretty intense. There are territories; I don't sell ice cream where you live and you don't come trolling through my neighborhood. Anything in between is fair game, and it's quite a competition to see who can get to which parks when the business is good. I'm sorry to say, the ice cream truck business can get a little dirty. If you've ever wanted to see a catfight with a fudgebar and watermelon popsicle, this might be just the show for you.

So there it is folks; I'm dropping out of school to pursue a career in reality television. I think my talents of, well being completely unproductive, can be better put to use elsewhere.

Just kidding. But if this whole college degree thing doesn't work out, at least I have a reliable backup plan.

P.S. Don't forget to vote in the poll on the right! Read this post for explanation!


  1. I think you have something there with the cat yoga show! Very funny post, just great! Thanks for my morning laugh!

  2. Ah that's hilarious! I especially like the ice cream wars idea --it would fit right in on TLC. I've often thought oh random reality show ideas. I'll laugh at how silly they are and then see one just like it airing on TV, haha. Great post!

  3. Haha, my bunny makes that same downward dog position as your cat when stretching! Guess we could start a duo show?

  4. I saw that exact quote and Gretchen (whose comment it was) is not exactly the sharpest knife in the drawer. I have to admit I get lost in those Housewives shows for the absurdity of it all. They make my life look even more blessed and more normal. LOVE the ideas for new reality shows too.

  5. You should pitch these to major network, I bet you'd get a bite!

  6. Hilarious! I wish you would make one show, (at least) and post it on You Tube. You've already got the ideas, run with them. I can totally see all of them on there.

    Another idea for a reality show goes back to the post you did about a swapping clothes party. That might be fun, too.

  7. Hi! Thanks for entering the Hide A Heart giveaway contest on Iheartgiveaways!
    Happy to follow you blog too and sending the best of luck for the success of 'Plan B'!

  8. Hi!! Ok. Love the Yoga cats and Ice Cream Wars! I'd watch!! lol!!
    Following from my hop! Sorry it took so long, my 3 crazy kids have me challenged for time!! Thanks for stopping by! Hope to see you again soon ;-)

  9. Marlee,
    following you on facebook and twitter now
    GFC is down....I'll try to hook up later to follow you there.

  10. Awesome!! Giggled coffee out my nose.

    Reminds me a bit of a Reality TV Show I proposed years ago:

    I so enjoy reading you. Thanks.

  11. Ice cream wars can be pretty vicious, hope it's nothing on this scale.

    Enjoying your writing as always.
    Check out my new blog

  12. A refreshing take on college life. I suppose it's refreshing 'cause I'm DONE with that life. I can't say my post educational life has always been financially stable, but I'm learning. Nice site. I'm gonna show my 16 year old this.

    Samantha from vB


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