It's Not You, It's Me

Hey there Blogger, how have you been? It has been awhile, now that you mention it, since I've actually written a real blog. What's that? A week? Maybe more? Well, who's counting. You look good Blogger, you look good.

Where have I been? Oh, yeah, about that. Maybe we should sit down and talk about something. Blogger? Did you hear me? Blogger...I need to talk to you. Blogger...pause the damn game this is important.

Here, hold my hand. First let me just say that you're awesome...just...awesome. I mean look at all the friends you have! You're fun, and nice and just, awesome. Super awesome. So awesome, in fact, that I think you deserve better. We deserve better, don't you think?

Exactly. We deserve better. Better than this. What? Someone else? Noooo, there's no one else...there's...no one...else...

Okay fine, there's someone else.

Sorry! It wasn't like I went looking for Wordpress, it just sort of found me. And out of respect for you, nothing happened. Hear me? Nothing happened. We've just been hanging out: visiting over coffee, a few late night conversations...just...getting to know each other. At first I thought maybe it was just a phase I was going through. You know, like a mid-life blogging crisis or something, but it's gotten me to re-examine our relationship and now it's all I think about. I just can't live like this anymore. I have to be honest with myself. I have to be honest with us.

Please throw that in the garbage, I just cleaned yesterday. Or throw it on the floor, whatever.

Oh come on, did you really not see this coming? You used to be so attentive and caring; my blog uploaded at breakneck speeds and whenever I had a question you were always there to help. Lately though, as our lives have grown more complex (I added more features and you added more friends), we began to drift apart. Now, my blog is slow to upload and difficult to edit, and nothing I do seems to make you happy. I can't for the life of me figure out why I have two different fonts on my Weight Loss Community Page, and the font colors have become a serious pain in the ass to work with.

And the jealousy, what's that all about? You've not only deleted followers without my permission, but you've even deleted whole posts without my permission...who does that? You say you're letting me follow other blogs, but then I hear from them that you won't let me. It breaks my heart that you would go behind my back like that.

And while we're being honest, the new interface? Really? It's a boring gray color that makes it difficult to read and navigate. Yes, I've already told you that, numerous times, but you just ignore me...like you're doing now...Blogger! As I was saying, it's ugly and cranky. God, I feel like I don't even know you anymore.

So let's just call this for what it is: a fling that's run it's course.

Admit it, when we first got together it was wild and exciting. I was sneaking off in the middle of the night to spend time with you, and you opened my eyes to the exotic world of blogging. Neither of us wanted anything serious, and that's what made it so much fun! But things are different now. I've grown up and what I need from our relationship you just can't provide. I need more than a simple outlet for my writing, I need an advanced layout, one where I can add as many pages and links as I want. I need the ability to upload videos and photos without worrying about bringing my load time to a seemingly excrutiating halt, and I need the freedom to adjust my blog accordingly. Not to mention a little customer support every now and then.

Can you put down the Funyuns for just a second, we're kind of breaking up right now...

Thank you.

Where was I...oh, right. Well, I can honestly say I have no regrets. I mean we did have our good times, didn't we? Remember that time I won a blogging award? That wasn't all me, you contributed too. And I'm sure I'll think fondly of all our familiar places...on the couch, in the bedroom. I've experimented more with you than any other blog hosting site. You were my first, and I'll never forget that. I hope we can still be friends. 

Most important though, we have the followers. They're so beautiful and innocent, and we never would've had them if we'd never gotten together, but that doesn't mean we should stay together for their sake. I've known other bloggers who did that and in the end everyone ended up getting hurt. Besides, the followers are old enough now to understand that we're just not as good together as we used to be. It's better this way, for everyone. Just because you're here and I'm over at Wordpress doesn't mean we're going to screw up they're lives...as long as we stay civil, that is.

And don't worry, I'm not going anywhere just yet. I still have to pack and my new place is going to take a lot of work before it's ready. Plus there are a few things we need to sort out, like which posts I'm going to take with me and how to make this as easy as possible on the followers.

Well I feel better now, I think we needed to get all of that out in the open. Is there anything you wanted to ask me?

No, Blogger, you can get your own damn beer.

Photography Wish List

Ok folks, so after countless hours of research and recommendations from the photographer I've been working with, this is the initial combination of photography equipment I'm thinking of buying:

1. Camera: Canon EOS 40D 10.1 MP Digital SLR Camera

2. Lens: Canon EF 50mm F/1.8 1.8 II Lens

I can find both of these on Ebay for a combination of about $500, which considering my budget at this point is about $12, I have a feeling this is as close as I'm going to get. Any photographers out there have any advice for me? I'm an open book!!

Keep these requirements in mind:

- I'd use it for action/journalism shots more than portrait shots
- Some landscapes
- Extremely low budget

Any words of wisdom?

Nightshift vs Dayshift

Fun fact: I'm a nightshifter. At a psychiatric hospital.

As in I work nightshifts...not some mythological shape-shifter super hero...although that sounds way more awesome...

But there’s a number of reasons why working nights is better for me: I get paid more, and by nature staying up all night just comes much more naturally than staying up all day. Plus there's a definite personality shift from day staff to night staff, and I fall into the latter.

So here we go:

5 Reasons Why Night Staff is Better than Day Staff:

1.) Night staff gets my sense of humor.

Day shift:

Nurse on lunch break holding an apple: "Oh darn, I forgot to wash my apple this morning."
Me on lunch break holding an apple: "Oh yeah...me too."
I take a bite.
Nurse: "Wait, aren't you worried about eating a dirty apple?"
Me: "Nah, I'm more worried about the meth I did this morning."

Silence.

Example #2:

Nurse #1: "Oh look, we're getting a patient named Heaven."
Nurse #2: "That's such an interesting name, I haven't heard that before."
Me: "That's totally my stripper name."

Silence.

For the record, I do not do meth and I'm also not a stripper. Night staff laughs at that stuff. Point: nights.

2.) Night staff are as close to vampires as you'll get.

Night staff has no one to impress. We also shriek in the morning when people turn on the lights, and we walk to our cars in awe of this strange thing called "sunlight". Point: nights.


3.) We make better coffee.

Please, point: nights.


4.) Night staff are better at their jobs.

Yes, this is a stretch, but I'm going to say it. See, at a psych hospital, we are a part of the "real" hospital, so therefore we have to follow all staffing orders that are hospital wide. To save money, the hospital staffs short on nights. For the rest of the hospital it makes sense. People are sleeping at night. But in psych....oh honey...

People don't sleep in psych. They are always awake. When you tell someone it's bedtime, there's a good chance they will tell you that they are an orange and you are a carrot and as such they have superiority over you. There's really no way to argue with that.

Therefore, nightshift has to do the same jobs dayshift does, except with considerably less people. Point: nights.

5.) We look out for each other.

There's a million people to fill in for days. But nights? Hardly anyone. If we're short there's a list of about 6 people we can call, and we all know it. Dayshift has the luxury of not coming in for any extra shifts because most likely someone else will cover it. Nights? Not so much. You get called you come to work. There's no one else to call.

There. I've vented and now I feel better. Also I'm going to bed now.

Lesson 14: Go For It

Fun fact: I've never seen an episode of Jersey Shore. Ever.

But I have watched the Monarch Butterfly Migration countless times, mentally putting myself in central Mexico when they take off in the millions. I also can't tell you what the latest fashion trend is, but I can quote you airline tickets to any continent at any time of year, because the last time I checked was probably less than an hour ago. And I wouldn't recognize Kim Kardashian if she hijacked my car, but I'd probably run down a random man from 100 yards away because my vision-flawed eyes convinced me it was Anthony Bourdain from the Travel Channel's No Reservations. Personally, I'd think I were doing him a favor. I'm sarcastic, he's sarcastic. He's funny, I think I'm funny. He'd want to meet me, right?

Er, right. Plus he kind of has my dream job, traveling around the world documenting his experiences with food and culture, all the while narrating with the clever sense of humor I find so brilliant. Ah the skill of storytelling, of connecting.

And that's what I want to do. If you've checked in on me from time to time you may have witnessed first-hand my difficult realization that the office-bound, paperwork-flooded career I've been pursuing in counseling is, in fact, a terrible fit for me. On top of it, I've been up countless nights, giving in to the guilt and shame brought on by thoughts of my impressive student loan history being used for something I was never even passionate about in the first place. I feel as if I'm being snobbish and picky, like I've spent $15,000 on a new car only to refuse to drive it because the color green just "isn't my taste". Here we are in an economy where jobs are few and far between, and I've got a leg up on the competition and I'm not going to take it? What's wrong with me?

Nothing. Nothing is wrong with me. It's taken a lot of tears to accept the fact that the path I've been following was started by someone else, but that doesn't mean I'm condemned to it. Furthermore, it doesn't  mean I should feel guilty about deviating from it. And the end result? I feel liberated.

This is the first time I have actually felt excited about what I might be doing for a living. The kinds of jobs I sought out in high school (photojournalism, cake decorator, florist) are the creative, fast-paced, hands-on jobs I not only loved, but was good at too.

So lately, I've been working with a photographer in town, for free. She's incredibly helpful, she's passionate, and she really knows what she's doing. The information I'm learning from her is priceless. And a bonus? She was in a similar situation as myself. Switched from her RN to photography after a realizing she hated her current career, and never looked back. Makes me feel right at home.

In the meantime, I'm still working per diem night shifts at the hospital, which pays fairly well and allows me to make my own schedule. As an added bonus, on slow nights (like tonight), it allows me the freedom to research in depth information.

Like how I might go about getting hired as a writer for a local newspaper or magazine (or just intern there), and making sure the camera I want is the right one for me.

Oh and which camera is that, you ask? The same camera I've had my eye on for the last two years: the Canon EOS 7D. (In reality, I want the Canon 5D Mark II but let's be honest people, it's going take another year minimum to save for that sucker.) But at least I know the cheaper alternative is a good match.

So for all the negativity that seems to be surrounding my situation, I feel I'm actually pretty lucky. I know the gear I want (I've researched it thoroughly) and I'm excited about the idea of gaining experience writing in the "real world". As an added bonus, I know my education is not going to waste. My training in counseling (e.g. knowing the right way to phrase questions to allow someone to open up) has given me an edge when it comes to interviewing people. Hmm, maybe someday I'll be so lucky as to trade verbal punches with a grimy politician of some kind...yes I think I would like that very much.

So consider yourself warned, Anthony. While I may not be gunning for your job just yet, I am attempting to loosely follow in your footsteps of sharing other's experiences through the art of storytelling, in whatever way that may be. Oh and if we ever do meet? Watch out, I'd like to think I'm pretty damn hilarious myself.

         

How To Choose The Right Career

I don't want the title of this post to throw you, I haven't found the secret to life or anything. But considering I had 8 hours of travel time on Sunday, then 13 on Wednesday (yes, we got a little lost) it's safe to say I've really had some time to really process everything that has happened in the last month or so. The sudden realization that I've been studying for a career I never intended on doing in the first place along with the embarrassing heart-pang of never even trying something I wanted to do made for some long (and I'm sure draining) conversations with my boyfriend.

But thankfully, they've been incredibly beneficial. He's not only supportive, but extremely intelligent. Plus his degree in Business gives him fantastic insight as to what it takes to make it in an industry, as most creative jobs are, where your ability to market yourself can mean sink or swim. So using my Master's in psychology, I did some homework and combined a few typical psychological exams with some basic discussion principles and came up with a quick way for you to figure out a job for yourself that would fit in with your daily life, you would be good at, and would also enjoy doing. Here's what was left:

1.) Have your closest friends and family members take the following survey. They have to know you extremely well, otherwise it's going to be all over the place. It's only four questions, and some of them may seem silly, so make sure they take it seriously. I've added some answers people said about me as possible examples.

1.) If you could choose 2 colors to describe me, what would they be and why? 

My Example: - Yellow and Orange, because I'm, "energetic, exciting, creative happy and bright".

2.) Of the following jobs, which would I be happiest in and which would I be the most miserable in. Why?

- Storm Chaser

- Lawyer

- Teacher/Coach

- Accountant

- Salesmen/Real Estate Agent

- Artist/Writer
- Sculptor/Mechanic/Carpenter
- Masseuse/Physical Therapist/Yoga Instructor

- Carpenter/Oil Driller/Fisherman

My Example: “Best would be Storm Chaser, because you like to do things that are a little dangerous, and you’re kinda crazy. Or a writer. You're good at telling stories. Worst would be salesman, I don’t think you would be good at pushing people to buy something they don’t need. You would feel bad.”

3.) List 3 things that would describe my perfect vacation day ever and 3 things that would describe my worst vacation day ever. Why these things?

My Example: “Best would be 1.) Going somewhere new that you’ve never seen before, 2.) Doing something that would give you an adrenaline rush, like bungee jumping or swimming with sharks or something, and 3.) Having someone there to share it with. Worst would be 1.) Having to stay in one place, like going somewhere but everyone wanted to just lay by the pool all day because you would probably want to explore. 2.) Having some kind of schedule or routine you had to stick to because you would probably get distracted or want to do something else, and 3.) Being somewhere super hot and having no way to cool down, because you’re weird like that.”

4.) List 3 of my strengths and 3 of my weaknesses, as they can be applied to anything.

My Example: “Three strengths would be 1.) You’re hardworking and kind of stubborn. Once you set your mind to something it gets done. 2.) You’re really good at telling stories or describing things, and 3.) You’re good at connecting with people. Three weaknesses would be 1.) You get bored really easily, 2.) You tend to follow your own agenda. You get frustrated if you think you can do a job better a different way. 3.) You have a lot of things running through your head and pulling you in different directions.” 

2.) Now list off what you wanted to be when you were little along with any job you would want to have now. Include anything you might consider a “pipe-dream”. And don’t worry if the list is long.

My Example: Writer, Actor, Journalist, Photographer, Marine Biologist, Zookeeper, Horse Trainer, Astronaut, Linguist, Musician, Film Composer, Chef, Food Critic, Artist (Painter), Sculptor, Animal Petter (hey I thought it was a real job), Storm Chaser, Cartoonist, Costume Designer, Veterinarian, Professional Athlete, Adventure Guide, Pilot, Florist, Cake Decorator, Scuba Dive Instructor, and there’s even more.

3.) Now list you’re current non-negotiable commitments, or things that you are absolutely not willing to change. These aren’t things that you can’t afford to do, or don’t know how to do, like your current job or location; you can change those things. These are more along the lines of, “I want to be close to my mother during her last days” or “I’m 55 and don’t want to jeopardize too much of my savings/retirement fund”.

My Example: I don’t want to move. I would like to travel, of course, but I still want my permanent home to be here in Billings. I’m also not willing to do anything that puts unnecessary strain on my relationship with my boyfriend (like housing 30 ferrets), or take on something that meant I couldn’t start a family in the next few years. In addition, I don't want to go back to school right now. I currently have three degrees and I need to put them to use before I get another one.

4.) Now cross off jobs on that list that would interfere with those commitments. This shouldn’t hurt too badly if you listed commitments you are honestly not willing to change. It might help to make a list of pros and cons, like this:                        

                      Job                                                Pros                                                 Cons

Actor	--Do something different everyday --Get to be creative in generating new characters	--Not a lot of work in Billings, MT --99.9% of Actors are unemployed
Veterinarian	--Get to work with animals everyday --Pays well	--Have to go through a lot of schooling --Would have to euthanize
Professional Athlete	--Awesome Pay --Play a game for a living	--Not talented enough --Would have to move: MT has no professional teams
Cartoonist	--Make jokes for a living --Get to draw and color all day	--Can’t draw cartoons very well --Doesn’t pay very well
Food Critic	---Get to taste food ---Get to write	--Would need to attend more school, not knowledgeable enough about how to use my palate --Might have eat some disgusting stuff

What am I left with? 

Writer, Actor, Journalist, Photographer, Marine Biologist, Zookeeper, Horse Trainer, Astronaut, Linguist, Musician, Film Composer, Chef, Food Critic, Artist (Painter), Sculptor, Animal Petter (hey I thought it was a real job), Storm Chaser, Cartoonist, Costume Designer, Veterinarian, Professional Athlete, Adventure Guide, Pilot, Florist, Cake Decorator, Scuba Dive Instructor.

5.) Now let’s apply the results from the earlier survey to the jobs I have left.

Writer, Journalist, Photographer, Horse Trainer, Food Critic, Artist (Painter), Sculptor, Adventure Guide, Florist, Cake Decorator.

My Example: Fortunately, all of these jobs fit pretty well with my survey results. They all revolve around doing something creative and different every day. Plus they are all basically independent in nature. I doubt I’m going to find a job in the paper hiring for an artistic painter anytime soon.

6.) Now use common sense. Honestly, I have no experience as a Sculptor or Painter (even though I enjoy doing them) and there’s no way I could hold myself out as an Adventure Guide, I don’t have near the qualifications or the knowledge.

So what have I settled on pursuing? Primarily photography and writing (going back to my photojournalism roots). Yes, I understand that this is an expensive and difficult route (paid photographers make less than actors, on average) but it’s something I’ve been passionate about for years, as well as something I feel I would excel at. Having my own business (or working as a freelance writer) would allow me the freedom to make my own decisions, as well as the opportunity to be outside and travel.

7. So next comes the to-do list: 1. I need a new camera. Mine broke years ago and I’ve been scrounging with its remaining functions to just get average pictures. 2. I need experience, so last week I went door to door to every photographer in town asking if they needed an assistant. I explained that I would work for free, and after 2 days I found one willing to work with me. Check. 3. I need to come up with some kind of plan that breaks my goals into achieveable steps. 

8. The last step is the plan. Personally, since I need a camera and experience I plan on still working at the psych center while looking for writing jobs and saving up money for that damn camera. In order to be considered a full-time writer, I need to be able to make enough money, weekly, that is at least equivalent to a paycheck I receive at the psych center.

Okay folks, so this has definitely been one of the longest posts I’ve ever written. Let me know if you use this slimmed down method to evaluate your own career decisions!